My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
