? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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