I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
