Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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