who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Randomize
