just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
