She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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