and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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