just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
