his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
