I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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