You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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