i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
being pregnant is like rehab
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
