you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I need to calm my uterus...
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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