Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
