so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
