I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Randomize
