I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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