the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
