Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
