woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
