Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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