We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
