when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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