I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
