never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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