I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
