What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
