Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
