Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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