It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
