cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
