why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
