I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
