it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
