Tell her she can't have a vagina
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
