He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
