Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
He has the fingertips of a God
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