i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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