remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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