Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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