I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
