i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
