We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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