bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
