Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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