i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
