Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
