I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
