I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
