So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
